Quotes from White Collar Episode "Countdown"

Season 3, Episode 10 Air Date: August 9, 2011

Mozzie: The sparrow dies at midnight.
Caffrey: Then I'd hate to be the sparrow.
Mozzie: Seriously? I was about to expose the leader of the North American Union.
Caffrey: Nope. You just thought you were. The N.A.U. doesn't exist.
Mozzie: Says you. You set this up?
Caffrey: I had to talk to you somehow.
Mozzie: Another piece of fiction. Much like the yarn you spun about not having the FBI's art manifest.
Caffrey: You have a right to be angry. I lied to you.
Mozzie: Why?
Caffrey: I broke into Peter's safe. I had the list in my hand. I was ready to take the treasure and go.
Mozzie: Then why didn't you?
Caffrey: Peter called— I have a life here.
Mozzie: But we had a dream.
Caffrey: Well, dreams change. I mean, have you ever thought we might not like whiling away our days on a Mediterranean island?
Mozzie: Then we sell our island and come back.
Caffrey: No, you can come back. I can't. I run on this, and New York is just a memory for me.
Mozzie: Come on, Neal. This was the one— the perfect last score. I knew you were dragging your feet.
Caffrey: You went behind my back and fenced the Degas.
Mozzie: I did it to— I did it to protect us.
Caffrey: By putting a hit on Keller? Doing something that rash is exactly what will get us into trouble.
Mozzie: Most black-market pieces never resurface. You know that.
Caffrey: Because they're not on a list that Peter is actively looking for. The Degas is. If Peter finds it—
Mozzie: Yeah, I know. And it proves that the treasure didn't burn, and the trail leads straight back to us.

Mozzie: But that does leave one question. Do you want to stay?
Caffrey: I'll let you know.

Agent Kramer: The greatest way to live honorably is to be what we pretend to be. I'm paraphrasing, but I don't think old Socrates here would mind.
Caffrey: He might. Can I help you?
Agent Kramer: Yeah. You know anything about Renaissance portrait medals?
Caffrey: You seem to know that I do.
Agent Kramer: I have a cold case on a Fiorentino that was taken from the Smithsonian 8 years ago. The one I found turned out to be chocolate, wrapped in foil. You probably heard that story.
Caffrey: Sounds vaguely familiar.
Agent Kramer: I thought it might. I'm Agent Kramer, head of the Bureau's D.C. Art Crimes unit. I'd say this moment was inevitable, Mr. Caffrey, given I am who I am, and you are who you are.
Burke: Oh, good. You two have met.
Agent Kramer: Oh, Neal and I were, uh... Well, what were we doing here?
Caffrey: Shooting the breeze.

Mozzie: Oh, the hypothetical becomes the reality.

Neal: Why is there a giant hourglass on my table?
Mozzie: Somewhere along the line, I think your motives got blurred. Keeping the treasure here was never part of the long-term plan.
Neal: Moz, this is not—
Mozzie: 48 hours. In that time, I will do anything you think we need to do in order to leave.
Neal: And when time runs out?
Mozzie: Lolana and I are taking the treasure and leaving. Regardless of the list, the Degas, or the FBI. I hope you'll come with us.
Neal: You're giving me an ultimatum.
Mozzie: Yes, I am. Stay here with Peter or come with me. Choose a side, Neal.

Burke: Yeah, that was an interesting one. We pulled the wire con on a mob boss.
Agent Kramer: Another average day in the New York White Collar office.
Elizabeth: Don't laugh. It's not far off.
Agent Kramer: What happened to the stoic, no-nonsense probie we called The Archeologist?
Elizabeth: The Archeologist?
Agent Kramer: Yeah, he'd never stop digging.
Burke: I'm still stoic.
Elizabeth: Well, Neal's loosened you up a little bit.
Burke: Not true.
Agent Kramer: I can see that.
Elizabeth: But in a good way.
Burke: Hey, our closure rate is unprecedented.
Agent Kramer: They know about you boys in D.C. Lot of water-cooler talk about Gotham City's finest cop and robber. You took this right here in the kitchen.
Burke: Yeah. Yeah. Neal is my C.I., and he's –
Agent Kramer: Yeah, he's also a friend.
Elizabeth: I'm— I'm— I'm gonna go put a pot of coffee on, and I'll let you guys talk, okay?
Agent Kramer: You're awful close to the guy you think stole the Degas.
Burke: It's that obvious?
Agent Kramer: Well, today you had a room full of people ready to go after that painting, and you looked at only one man. You think he stole the treasure?
Burke: I have my suspicions. That's why you're here. I need an outside perspective.
Agent Kramer: Hey, before I met you, I had a C.I. who used to throw batting practice for my son's little league team.
Burke: And now?
Agent Kramer: Now I get the occasional e-mail from prison. These are short-term relationships, Petey, at best. It's hardwired in their brains.
Burke: You think once a con, always a con?
Agent Kramer: I think recidivism rates paint a bleak picture. And you have to protect yourself when they fall.
Burke: I know. My career's at risk.
Agent Kramer: No, I'm not talking about your job. I'm talking about you. When this happens, you're not slapping cuffs on a criminal. You're taking down a friend. It hurts.
Burke: People can change.
Agent Kramer: Pete... you asked me for my help. If Neal is a suspect...
Burke: He is.
Agent Kramer: Then you have to treat him like one.

Burke: Let's walk.
Caffrey: Don't we need a car to pick up Rusty?
Burke: I got a few in place. Need to reach out and touch someone?
Caffrey: I find it a handy tool to keep abreast in this fast-paced world.
Burke: No one ever talks anymore. Put that away. Let's talk.
Caffrey: Okay. Tell me why Kramer's really here.
Burke: He's a friend and he's a mentor.
Caffrey: He's a watchdog.
Burke: Is that what you think a mentor is?
Caffrey: Let's see— as depicted in Homer's "Odyssey," mentor was half-man-half-God.
Burke: He represented the union of path and goal, if I recall. Wisdom personified.
Caffrey: That's one interpretation. Mentor also guided Odysseus' son during the Trojan War. You planning to go to war, Peter?
Burke: Oh, not yet. But if I have to, Kramer's got my back.
Caffrey: Must be nice having someone who believes in you.
Burke: I never gave him a reason not to.

Mozzie: You asked to meet in plain sight. Could you pick somewhere more public? And your hair's like a freaking flare.
Rusty: This is genetics. That shirt is a choice.

Burke: I'm gonna pose as the seller, and Diana will be my backup.
Caffrey: Diana?
Burke: You hate guns, and as we can all see, Diana...
Diana: Kind of love 'em.
Caffrey: So I'm sitting this one out?
Burke: Not exactly.
Agent Kramer: You'll be in the van... with me.

Elliott Richmond: What I don't understand is what she's doing here.
Burke: She assists me.
Elliott Richmond: Can't the lady speak for herself?
Diana: The lady is also his muscle.
Elliott Richmond: You're funny.

Agent Kramer: If there's one sure thing about Peter, he accomplishes what he puts his mind to. If he's got a target, he'll keep pursuing till he hits it... dead-center.

Caffrey: What happened today? Your watch cut out.
Burke: Oh? Equipment malfunctions. It happens. You know that better than anyone.
Caffrey: So you're not gonna tell me everything, huh?
Burke: I'm following my leads. If you don't like where they go, too bad.
Caffrey: That's Kramer talking. He's the devil on your shoulder.
Burke: No. He's reminding me why I'm here.
Caffrey: I'm helping this investigation.
Burke: Do you remember what you said to me the day I first accused you of stealing the art? What was it, Neal?
Caffrey: "Prove it."
Burke: Be careful what you wish for.
Caffrey: Then good luck.

Mozzie: Why, yes, I do own these villas. What's that? The island? Yeah. I kind of own that, too. Sure, I can show you coral reef... In my submersible.

Caffrey: We got a problem.
Mozzie: We should maybe copyright that phrase.

Keller: Quelle surprise.

Mozzie: We've got a problem.
Caffrey: You're right, we should copyright that phrase.

Caffrey: We're gonna need a bazooka.

Burke: I have a hostile witness on my hands. Do you have a storage room or an office that I can borrow while I'm conducting my business upstairs?
Guard: Yes, sir. Right over there. I'll show you.
Caffrey: Oh, come on, Peter. You cannot lock me in here.
Burke: Watch me. Under no circumstances is he to leave. He has no medical condition, he's had enough water, and he's been to the bathroom. If he calls you, don't answer. If he requests anything, don't acquiesce. Am I clear? I am the only person to open that door. I'll be back down later.
Diana: Everything okay with Neal?
Burke: He won't be going anywhere.

Neal: You there, Moz?
Mozzie: No names, Neal— Oops.

Mozzie: Operation Fedibuster is in play.

Agent Kramer: This is consistent with the period where his dark palette gave way to bold colors. The strokes angle slightly to the right.
Burke: So it's real?
Agent Kramer: The signature is dead on.
Caffrey: Degas was losing his sight toward the end. There's a crispness–
Burke: Neal, stay out of this.
Agent Kramer: No, no, he's quite right.
Agent Kramer: But the oil is the real tell. To make a work look authentic, pigments are bound with linseed oil, which takes roughly years to dry. When that finally happens, the oil starts evaporating, causing the surface to crack. However...
Caffrey: Yeah?
Agent Kramer: Please.
Caffrey: Thank you. These micro-cracks are slightly immature for a work that's supposed to be over a hundred years old.
Agent Kramer: Good eye, Mr. Caffrey. Little more time in the oven, and it would have had me fooled.
Burke: So it's a forgery.
Agent Kramer: Mm-hmm.
Caffrey: I'm sorry, Peter. I know how much you wanted this.
Agent Kramer: Petey... We took down an arms dealer and recovered a number of missing paintings. This is still a win.
Burke: I thought for sure it was the real thing... That the treasure was out there.
Agent Kramer: Searching for the truth is what makes you a good agent. You can't always be right. In fact, the hardest thing to do is admit you're wrong, like I seemed to be about Neal.
Burke: You think he's changed?
Agent Kramer: I can't say it with conviction that he's reformed yet... But I can tell you he wants to be here.

Agent Matthews: You're Neal Caffrey, infamous con man and forger.
Caffrey: Guilty as charged.
Agent Matthews: How long did you think you could keep this up?
Caffrey: Not long, but I needed to buy some time, and it was the only play I had. Melissa, working with Peter has been one of the best things that's ever happened to me. But he started cutting me out. You know how that feels. He wasn't trusting me.
Agent Matthews: Imagine that.
Caffrey: I needed to know why so I could fix it. I'm sorry I brought you into this.
Agent Matthews: Obviously, I'll have to tell Kramer everything.
Caffrey: Of course. We'll tell him the truth. The whole truth.
Agent Matthews: If I tell him I told you about the existence of the U-Boat manifest over Martinis, my career is over. And you know that. You really are Neal Caffrey.
Caffrey: Welcome to White Collar.
Agent Matthews: It was impressive watching you work.
Caffrey: Likewise.

Agent Keller: Whoever forged that painting is gonna make our work a whole lot more interesting.
Burke: Why's that?
Agent Keller: Because it's the best I've ever seen.

Mozzie: We did it, Moz. The FBI is off our trail.
Caffrey: I've never known you to pass up a good Bordeaux.
Mozzie: Notice anything?
Caffrey: Come on. Can we please enjoy our victory?
Mozzie: Neal, I've been really patient. But it's time for you to make a choice. Do you want to leave or not?
Caffrey: No. There are things about this life I'm not ready to give up.
Mozzie: Do you even know what this life is anymore? I mean, you're... on a leash. You're still in prison. You have Stockholm syndrome.
Caffrey: I can always walk out that door, Moz. I can never walk back in.
Mozzie: Well, then, you've made your choice. I always thought ours would be a happy ending.
Caffrey: If you want a happy ending, it depends—
Mozzie: —On where you stop the story. Yeah, Orson Welles. I'll see you around, Neal. You're fooling yourself if you think this is who you really are.

Keller: Agent Burke. Working late again. You're persistent, I'll give you that.
Burke: Keller.
Keller: Pardon the theatrics. But under the circumstances, we can't be having this conversation in person. I'm sure you understand.
Burke: What do you want, Keller?
Keller: I need your help.
Burke: My help. Turn yourself in. I'll see what I can do.
Keller: Yeah, I don't think I can do that, Burke. But I tell you what— if you help me, I can help you. Our interests are more mutual than you think.
Burke: And you know this how?
Keller: Because I've seen the treasure. Yeah, your boy Caffrey's got it.
Burke: And you want it.
Keller: I'm a sucker for the game, Burke. So, you gonna help me or what?
Burke: Why would I help you?
Keller: That's a good question. How about you go home and relax with a bottle of your favorite beer and think about it? You could use some alone time.

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