Quotes from White Collar Episode "Countermeasures"

Season 2, Episode 13 Air Date: February 8, 2011

Caffrey: Hey. Is Peter around?
Diana: No.
Caffrey: I need a favor.
Diana: Neal, what did I say last time you asked me for a favor?
Caffrey: I should think long and hard before trying to pull anything over on you.
Diana: And?
Caffrey: And that if I ever did try, you'd break one or both of my arms.
Diana: You know I hate to repeat myself.
Caffrey: I'm willing to risk it.

Elizabeth: You know he doesn't like the vet.
Burke: I think he feels guilty.
Elizabeth: Yeah.
Burke: He wouldn't have been there if he didn't swallow one of my handcuff keys.
Elizabeth: Honey, he's a dog. Dogs like shiny things. You need to be more careful what you leave around!
Burke: Oh, so I should feel guilty?
Elizabeth: I think an apology is in order.
Burke: I'm sorry.

Mozzie: I don't like this guy.
Caffrey: You've never met this guy.
Mozzie: He's trying to scam June!

Caffrey: Peter, what's up?
Burke: Looks like Ganz is pulling together a crew.
Caffrey: What kind of crew?
Burke: Mm, not for rowing. Looks like muscle for hire.
Caffrey: He's planning another heist.
Burke: Yeah, I want to talk to Ford. Bring him in the office tomorrow.
Caffrey: No, he's smart, Peter. You won't be able to sweat it out of him.
Burke: You got a better idea?
Caffrey: How do you feel about dinner parties?
Burke: I hope that's a non sequitur.
Caffrey: I'm having dinner with Ford and June tonight. You and Elizabeth should join us.
Burke: You want me to bring my wife to a covert interrogation?
Caffrey: It's perfect. He won't suspect you're a fed.
Burke: Then who am I?
Caffrey: A co-worker.
Burke: And what kind of "co-work" would that be?
Caffrey: I may have implied that you're not exactly a noble citizen.
Burke: No.
Caffrey: Peter...
Burke: I said "no." Find another way.

Elizabeth appears in the background. Her phone rings.
Elizabeth: Hello?
Burke: Oh.
Elizabeth: Hey, Neal. Really? That sounds great! Oh, I'm sure Peter would love to come. Okay. Perfect. We'll see you tonight. Neal just invited us to dinner.
Burke: Yeah. He's using you so I can interrogate a suspect.
Elizabeth: Well, what's wrong with mixing a little business with pleasure? Plus, you owe me dinner.
Burke: Uh, lunch. That was a rain check for lunch.
Elizabeth: And you're paying me with dinner. This is gonna be fun! Dress nice, okay?

Burke: I'm not comfortable with this.
Caffrey: Really? You're not comfortable? I've got the Men in Black bobsled team breathing down my neck.
Burke: These treasury agents are a little skeptical. You look like a 12-year-old who just found the lingerie section of the Sears catalogue.


Ganz: How long have you guys known each other?
Ford: About five years?
Caffrey: Mutual friend of ours needed to get out of town, so he came to my shop.
Ford: He hooked me up with some of the best work I've ever seen. Photo I.D., passports. So we stayed in touch. Used him four times since.
Caffrey: Five. Don't forget that other thing.
Ford: Well, that was between us.
Caffrey: All right.
Ganz: Let's see what he knows.
Burke: (listening in from the van) It's like they're speaking "criminese."
Ganz: Give me the I.D.s. Which one's the fake?
Burke: Watch this.
Caffrey: They're all fake. The hologram on the Alabama license is cemented with the wrong base. And the UV ink should be mixed at a 5-to-1 ratio. This looks like 3-to-1. The laminate on the California is too thick, and last time I checked "Illinois" is spelled with two l's, not one.

Burke: You and Ford had a pretty interesting rapport today.
Caffrey: I know where you're going.
Burke: Don't need to look in a crystal ball?
Caffrey: You think he's a cautionary tale.
Burke: You want to be like him when you grow up?
Caffrey: More fun than sitting in a cubicle.
Burke: Neal, if ever you do decide to grow up, you should realize this one thing. You can either be a con or a man. You can't be both.

Mozzie: Ford was clever. He let word about a potential job slip. And let someone pull it for him.
Burke: You're like him.
Mozzie: I accept your accusation.
Burke: Let's pretend you've broken some laws. Where would you go to hide?
Mozzie: Someplace I've never been caught. If he's really pulling the strings, he's already got it set up, and he's got his tracks covered.
Burke: Maybe not. There's something about these photos... That Ford tried to hide from me. There's something here.
Mozzie: That's the Lenox Lounge off 125th Street. June's mentioned it before.
Burke: What'd she say?
Mozzie: Byron used to run the back room.
Burke: When?
Mozzie: About 25 years ago.

Diana: Jonas Ganz?
Ganz: Are you for real, sweetheart?
Diana: Is that real enough for you, sweetheart?

Ford: How'd they find us?
Caffrey: Unlike you, I've got a partner I can trust. You really think you can make it? You said you had a choice to make. I'm gonna give you another one.
Burke: Until the suspect is secure and Caffrey safe, nobody moves.
Caffrey: It's not too late, Ford. You can still walk away from this if I back your story. I'll give you two options... One, get rid of that gun, become a cooperating witness... And take June dancing.
Ford: Option two?
Caffrey: You take that case and run as long as you can.
Ford: I'm too old to walk down another midway, son. Tell June... I'm sorry.

Caffrey: June.
June: It's okay. I've always known what kind of man he was.
Caffrey: Then why let him in?
June: To remember... What Byron and I had. Even if it was just for a while. Maybe I wanted to go dancing again.
Caffrey: May I?

Mozzie: I found a junk guy in Queens who collects vintage radios. It's a gold mine for parts. I should have a working prototype... Neal, are you listening?
Caffrey: Do you ever think about how all this is gonna end?
Mozzie: Oh, you mean... The big score or the big house?
Caffrey: Yeah.
Mozzie: Is there another option?
Caffrey: Byron found it.
Mozzie: Ah, the true love route. You know, that's the biggest con of them all.
Caffrey: You're a cynic.
Mozzie: Of course. You know what they say. Old con men never die.
Caffrey: Our smiles just fade away.
Mozzie: So you got rid of the printing plate?
Caffrey: It may have found its way back inside the table.
Mozzie: For a rainy day?
Caffrey: Yeah. For a rainy day.

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