Quotes from White Collar Episode "Dentist of Detroit"

Season 3, Episode 4 Air Date: June 28, 2011

Mozzie: Please tell all of Byron's old friends. I need as many buyers for my sleight-of-hand-me-downs as I can possibly get.

Caffrey: All right, I will spread the word about the sale. And I'll buy the banana.
Mozzie: Excellent choice.

Burke: Diana, copyright infringement.
Diana: Not another one.
Burke: What was that?
Diana: Yay, another one.
Burke: That's what I thought I heard.

Caffrey: Sounds like we've got an easy day.
Burke: We do. Please don't complicate it.
Caffrey: I would never. Can I take an early lunch?
Burke: Sure.
Diana: Something wrong, boss?
Burke: Neal just complicated my day. Have organized crime get those files on the Detroit mob.

Mozzie: Okay, you degenerates, listen up. There are great opportunities here. We've got ultrasonic stun-gun binoculars, cane swords, cattle prods, morning-star maces.
Devlin: This iron do anything?
Mozzie: Oh, you ever need a multi-directional mike with optional tear-gas dispenser valve?
Devlin: No.

Burke: Hey, guys. What you doing?
Mozzie: Oh, just being oppressed by the man — the usual.
Burke: Something for the crazy man who has everything?
Mozzie: Oh, that's Sweet Darnell, my taste-tester. You can never be too careful.
Burke: You in danger, Mozzie?
Mozzie: I live in danger, Suit.

Burke: This wouldn't have anything to do with Frank de Luca, would it? Come on, guys. Organized crime's been following de Luca. I know he was here.
Caffrey: He's forcing a meet with Moz using an old friend as leverage.
Mozzie: Neal.
Burke: Why? What does he want with you?
Mozzie: I-I'm a man of many secrets, but I am going to that meeting.
Caffrey: Absolutely not. De Luca's dangerous.
Mozzie: I-I'd like to see you try and stop me.
Cut to Mozzie sitting in the back of a car.
Burke: Consider yourself a protected witness.
Mozzie: You can't do this!
Burke: Oh, I can. What does de Luca want with you?
Caffrey: He wants—
Mozzie: Don't say it, Neal.
Caffrey: De Luca wants Mozzie because he's the Dentist of Detroit.
Mozzie: Neal! Et tu, Brute? Et tu?
Caffrey: I'm sorry. It's to keep you safe.
Burke: Mozzie is the Dentist of Detroit?
Caffrey: I know. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.
Mozzie: You know, I resent your judgment and your misguided misunderstanding of things you do not understand...

Mozzie: Attica! Hunger strike!
Burke: What's going on, Neal?
Mozzie: Vow of silence!
Caffrey: It's not what you think. He got on the bad side of the mob. I didn't know he did it as the Dentist. I didn't. He told me some of the story. Let him tell you, too.
Mozzie: I know why the caged bird sings!

Mozzie: How many suits do you have hiding out there?
Burke: No. I ask the questions.
Mozzie: Did you find Mr. Jeffries yet?
Burke: Does he even hear me?

Mr. Jeffries: Character defines personality, and in that department, your cup runneth over, little man.

Mozzie: The Dentist is in.
Caffrey: Mr. de Luca has a question for you.
De Luca: Ask him what's his favorite ice cream?
Caffrey: Mr. de Luca would like to know, what is your favorite ice cream?
Diana: Seriously?
Mozzie: Bubble gum.

Burke: Think we can get Mozzie to tell us how he did it?
Caffrey: You threaten him with a future of toilet wine, and he will sing like a canary.
Burke: I can scare him pretty good.

Mozzie: Before I tell you anything, I want complete immunity and the truth behind DARPA's—
Burke: No and no.

Caffrey: You were 12 when you stole 500 grand from the Detroit mob?
Mozzie: Gifted child.

Burke: Why "the Dentist"?
Mozzie: I was 12. A Dentist was the scariest thing I could think of, and it worked.

Burke: He started the rumor that the Dentist was Superman.
Mozzie: Yep.
Burke: The Dentist became the perfect patsy for every criminal in the northeast.
Burke: You're a living conspiracy theory.
Mozzie: See? They do exist.

Burke: Jones, take him to a safe house.
Mozzie: An FBI-monitored safe house? That's legalized torture!
Burke: It's that, or I set you in lockdown until this is over.
Mozzie: Ah, safe house it is. But — but I have demands. My atopic eczema requires custom-made silk pajamas. Reading glasses, slippers, sleep machine — all vital. Oh, and — and I have soft gums, so I'll be needing my electronic toothbrush.
Burke: Do we look like your errand boys?
Mozzie: Fine. Then no complaints when I'm forced to sleep in the nude tonight.
Burke: Make a list.
Jones: I'll make a list.

Jones: You're giving me a headache.
Mozzie: This isn't exactly the Plaza of safe houses, is it? The mattress isn't hypoallergenic. I saw a dead mouse on the bathroom radiator.
Jones: Ah, lucky bastard got out while he could.
Caffrey: All right, here are the items you requested, Moz.
Mozzie: Oh, great. Right here. Thanks.
Mozzie: Oh, you touch anything, and you'll be hearing from my lawyer.
Jones: You are your lawyer.
Mozzie: Scared?
Jones: Ooh.

Mozzie: You see what I have to put up with because of you? How long do I have to stay in this Stygian limbo?
Caffrey: You won't be safe until we run the con and get de Luca in cuffs, okay?
Mozzie: I beg of you, hurry, for the sake of my sanity.
Jones: And mine.

Caffrey: Who knew the ball and chain cleaned up so nice?

Elizabeth: All right, prom picture. Say "cheese."
Caffrey and Burke: Cheese.

Caffrey: What do you say, Newman? You ready to scam half a million dollars for the Detroit mob?
Burke: Let's go, kid.

Mozzie: You know, you could have at least baked a file into these.
Elizabeth: Oh, please. I don't think they have love seats in the joint.
Mozzie: Oh, the joint? Oh, do you know your way around the big house, do you?
Elizabeth: I may have spent some time in jail once... Or twice.
Mozzie: A repeat offender?
Elizabeth: The first time, I got caught with a fake I.D.
Mozzie: "Allegedly." Never confirm.
Elizabeth: Right.
Mozzie: And the second time?
Elizabeth: Second time, I allegedly streaked across campus.
Mozzie: Mrs. Suit!
Elizabeth: Well, it was college. I lost a bet.
Mozzie: Does the husband know about this?
Elizabeth: He might know about one of them.

Mozzie: The, uh, mating call of the beluga whale helps put me into a deep R.E.M. sleep.
Blake: Thanks for the update.

Mozzie: Wish me luck, melon me.

Caffrey: Look, I–I don't know who is stealing the money from the registers, but it's not me.
Burke: No, it is you. It is you! You know what?
Caffrey: Hey!
Burke: You were trouble ever since you came to work for me with your glossy smile and those annoying little hats.
Caffrey: You love my hats.
Burke: The hell I did! All right, you're insubordinate, you never do what I tell you to do, and every time I turn my back, you're off doing who-knows-what with God-knows-who! I'm sorry, folks. I'm sorry.
Caffrey: You know, you ungrateful bastard. I've had your back since day one, and anytime anything goes wrong, I'm the first person you blame!
Burke: 'Cause you're a con! It's who you are, and it's all you'll ever be. No, no, no, no. Hey, hey. You're fired! Get out of my sight!
Caffrey: You know what? With pleasure.
Burke: Good.
Caffrey: And the next time your hot wife gets lonely... tell her to call me. You know my number.

Burke: What the hell is Mozzie doing?
Caffrey: Fighting his own war.

Mozzie: You guys ever tried bubble-gum ice cream?

Caffrey: You got your stuff from the feds.
Mozzie: Yeah, complete with FBI taint.
Caffrey: You doing okay, Moz?
Mozzie: I know how hard it is to give up everything. I–I couldn't do it. I kept a part of Jeffries with me, and I know I'm lucky I get to do that. And I know your connection to the FBI, but it's not who we are. When we do finally get to sell our art, we really have to remember that.
Caffrey: What are you saying?
Mozzie: Oh, you and Peter — Enjoy it while it lasts.

Mozzie: Mr. Jeffries? You're okay!
Mr. Jeffries: Your FBI friends found me at Lady Liberty. I'm glad you got my clues.
Mozzie: I told you, Suit.
Mr. Jeffries: You haven't changed at all, except for a bit more character up there.
Mozzie: Oh, well, father time has a cruel sense of humor. How's everything down at the group home? I know my donations weren't much, but...
Mr. Jeffries: They were enough. "The smallest good deed is worth more than the grandest intention."
Mozzie: Oh, Duguet. "Good deeds are the seeds to good actions."
Mr. Jeffries: Temple. "Action is eloquence."
Mozzie: Shakespeare. "False eloquence is exaggeration — true eloquence is emphasis."
Mr. Jeffries: Alger. Good one.
Burke: Are they really having a quote-off?
Caffrey: Oh, yeah.
Mr. Jeffries: My goodness. Is that Mozart? He loved this little bear — Couldn't pronounce his name, though. Kept calling it "Mozzie."
Burke: A sentimentalist.
Caffrey: Yeah.
Burke: I can't believe Mozzie kept tabs on Jeffries all these years.
Caffrey: Sometimes it's hard to say goodbye.

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