Quotes from White Collar Episode "Veiled Threat"

Season 3, Episode 5 Air Date: July 5, 2011

Burke: It's an application for the Manhattan Millionaire Society Bachelors Auction. If she's gonna be at this auction, then so are we. Club has three open slots for eligible men. That means I need three volunteers. Neal, raise your hand.
Caffrey: Do I have to?
Burke: Yes. There's our first lucky bachelor. Come on. We'll create very irresistible identities for you guys.
Jones: Yeah, then hope she doesn't kill her latest boy toy before we find the money.
Burke: That's a hand. Jones is number two.
Jones: No, Peter, I didn't— One more.
Burke: Come on. It's only a cover. Who's number three?
Caffrey: How about you, Peter? I mean, you seem like the marrying kind, right?
Burke: I am married.
Jones: Hey... It's only a cover.
Diana: Be nice to give her some variety.
Caffrey: Unless, guys, guys, you know, you need permission.
Burke: I don't— I don't— no, I— Okay, fine. I'll do it. All right. Let's set it up.
Caffrey: Are you scared to tell Elizabeth?
Burke: Terrified.

Burke: El, my chances of being picked are slim to none between Neal and–
Elizabeth: Wait. Hold on. Your chances are not slim. Honey, look at you.
Burke: I'm holding poop.
Elizabeth: And you look damn sexy doing it.

Sara: What's the grand prize on this?
Caffrey: I get to take a very lovely, very dangerous woman out on a date.
Sara: Hmm. It's nothing you can't handle.
Caffrey: Thanks to you.
Sara: Uh, we, actually, have never been on a date.
Caffrey: Peter and Elizabeth's house.
Sara: Dinner date. Not date date.
Caffrey: Define "date date."
Sara: One-on-one.
Caffrey: What about lunches?
Sara: Lunch is not romantic. Lunch is lunch.
Caffrey: We've never been on a real date.
Sara: It's okay. What's your cover?
Caffrey: Playboy son of a Texas oil tycoon.
Sara: Oh, well! I like the accent.
Caffrey: I'm glad you do, ma'am.
Sara: There's gonna be a very big problem, though.
Caffrey: What's that?
Sara: All the women are gonna want you, so what happens when your killer gets outbid?
Caffrey: I see your point.
Sara: Mm-hmm. You're gonna have to throw your meetings with all the other women.
Caffrey: How do I do that?
Sara: Well, we are very shallow creatures, but there are things that even beautiful men like you do that drive us nuts.
Caffrey: Oh, you're good.

Jones: Ladies love the sweets.

Jones: So what's your plan?
Caffrey: I'm gonna bomb every meeting except Selena.
Jones: Mm. You're afraid you'll cause a frenzy.
Caffrey: I'm narrowing the odds. What's your approach?
Jones: I'm going for the frenzy.
Caffrey: Mm.
Jones: I'm gonna try to charm every one of them. I want good word of mouth.
Caffrey: Sure.
Jones: Peter.
Burke: I'm gonna maintain eye contact and remember it's a conversation, not an interrogation.
Jones: That's all good, but what you want to do, you want to keep it up here when you talk, right? Down here, this is all second-date territory. Okay, so be yourself. Just be yourself up here.
Caffrey: And if you're holding a drink, keep it in your left hand. That way, when you shake her hand with your right, your first touch won't be cold.
Burke: Yeah, it is cold.

Burke: Hi. Where were you before New York?
Woman: Cleveland.
Burke: Fascinating. Tell me more about Cleveland.
Woman: I-it's in Ohio.

Jones: I made my first batch of chocolate-chip cookies when I was 5 years old. I've never looked back.
Woman: You seem passionate about pastry.
Jones: Mm. I'm passionate in everything I do.

Caffrey: Nothing compares to it.
Woman: Hunting deer?
Caffrey: Fawns, actually, the babies.
Woman: Are you serious?
Caffrey: Yeah, there's a certain thrill in the kill.

Jill: And—
Caffrey: Oh. Oh, one second.
Jill: What are you doing?
Caffrey: Oh, ho. Hey, buddy! What's up? Hold on. I'm on a date.
Jill: Have a nice day.
Caffrey: Say hi.

Diana: She likes tall, dark, and handsome.
Jones: Well, how dark are we talking?

Woman: Hi. How are you?
Caffrey: Ah, tsh, tsh, tsh! Just one more minute. I'm just checking the mavericks score. They're losing again. It's not good.

Diana: Basically, she wants someone with an honest smile.
Caffrey: A smile.
Diana: The "honest" part went right by you, huh?

Diana: Wonder what's on the menu.
Caffrey: Theirs? Or ours?
Diana: Ours?
Caffrey: It's a very nice Halibut with a mango chutney.
Diana: Why are you doing this?
Caffrey: You helped me save face at the auction. The least I can do is offer you a decent meal.
Diana: A candle!
Caffrey: Electric.

Selena: There's nothing more attractive than the truth.

Diana: You ever cook like this for Sara?
Caffrey: I thought about it.
Diana: Well, do more than think. Insurance investigator Barbie would be thoroughly impressed.

Diana: Is that a tango?
Caffrey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Peter, Peter, there are certain things you cannot recover from.
Burke: I can handle this.
Caffrey: I don't hear any screaming.
Selena: Let's go back to my apartment so that—(Selena whispers into Peter's ear).
Caffrey: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you get that?
Diana: The first part loud and clear.
Caffrey: The second?
Diana: Never to be repeated.

Selena: Peter Williams' phone.
Caffrey: Where's Mr. Williams? Who is this? You know what? It doesn't matter. We need him here, pronto. Hamilton Mill is getting lit up like a Christmas tree. We have an induction furnace that is ready to blow.
Selena: Sounds important.
Burke: This is Williams.
Caffrey: Hello, Mr. Williams. I'm looking for Phil, Phil Landerer.

Burke: Nothing says "enamored" like — Polygamy?

Mozzie: Hey, do yourself a favor. Never try to send a grappling hook through the post office. I-I mean, that is, if... you ever needed to send…a grappling hook, that is.

Caffrey: All right, Moz, get this to him without her seeing.
Mozzie: Oh, sure. I'll hide it under my gargantuan clown sleeve.

Mozzie: Your turncoat for tomorrow, sir.

Mozzie: Oh, I'm gonna need some... cash for the dry-cleaner.
Burke: Of course.
Mozzie: $50 should do it.
Burke: Don't know what I'd do without you.
Mozzie: Oh, I might need more.

Burke: Very high-functioning, considering his condition.

Elizabeth: This was supposed to be a date, not a "save the date."

Caffrey: I'll talk to him.
Burke: What are you gonna say?
Caffrey: That my date didn't work out. She was a nice girl who prefers...
Burke: Nice girls.
Caffrey: I was gonna say "blondes" but we can run with that, too.

Mr. Jameson: And with regards to your little friend over there, we have a — a certain height requirement.
Caffrey: Oh, no, no. He's, uh — He's all set with the ladies.
Mr. Jameson: Really?
Caffrey: Oh, yeah.

Caffrey: Peter! Welcome to your bachelor party!
Burke: Can't believe you did this.
Caffrey: Oh, you're welcome.
Burke: Not what I meant.
Caffrey: Come on. Now we have the entire night to get into Jameson's office. The Harvard crew is all over the place for backup. This is business. It is not pleasure. What is he doing here?
Mozzie: I love National Geographic. "The Mating Habits of Midlevel Government Employees." Totally captivating.

Burke: I don't know who's gonna kill me first — my wife or my fiancée.

Selena: Peter.
Burke: Hmm.
Selena: I actually thought we had something.
Burke: It wasn't real.
Selena: Not even our tango?
Burke: You know, they say that breaking up is tough. For what it's worth, it wasn't me. It was you.
Selena: Peter...

Burke: Hey, beautiful.
Elizabeth: What is this?
Burke: I'm sorry for what you went through on this one. So, to make it up to you, I'm giving you the wedding you always wanted. Small, simple. Just us. Will you marry me again?
Elizabeth: Yes. As many times as you ask.
Caffrey: Preacher's here.
Burke: That was fast.
Caffrey: Sorry I'm late.
Burke: Don't tell me he's been ordained.
Caffrey: Twice.
Burke: Tax dodge?
Mozzie: Oh, yeah, like I pay taxes. Will you bear witness?
Caffrey: Of course.
Mozzie: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of...Suit and Mrs. Suit once again.

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